Introspection is necessary for anyone wanting to become better versions of themselves. I’ve been doing it for so long that I never questioned my methods. I thought it was enough to introspect on a daily basis. What I didn’t realize was how badly I needed to rethink my process. For so long, I stood at the same exact spot I’ve been standing on when I examined my everyday life. Little did I know there were so many blind spots from that vantage point.
Only last week did I consider moving around. I did it just in time, too. The moment I started walking around as I dissected the recent events in my life, I discovered things about myself I would never have known otherwise, much less owned up to.
In my previous posts, I kept saying I was victimized. I was targeted. I was unfairly treated. But, as I took more time thinking things through, I started to notice some recurring patterns in my life all the way back to when I was very young. As soon as I realized that this was a recurring theme, I immediately understood what was going on and what I needed to change.
I needed to change my mindset. I am a victim no more.
For the longest time, I kept whining about how I was hurt, neglected, humiliated, and wronged. I know I had every right to feel the way I did. I had every right to complain. However, I failed to see the pattern. And because I did, I failed to act accordingly. I wallowed in sadness and desperation hoping against hope that my situation will get better soon. I never realized that unless I changed something in myself, I will always get the same results.
Last week was when I started to gain a bit more clarity about my limiting beliefs. I imprisoned myself in this idea that the unfortunate circumstances I almost always found myself in were everyone else’s fault. That I was simply a victim of circumstance. That I just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. I made myself believe that my situation will change as soon as everyone else realizes how they’ve wronged me and starts treating me better.
I felt liberated the moment I saw the pattern. That was when so many things started to make sense and I started connecting dots. I still am. I’m still at a place where I’m trying to come to terms with past events, behaviors and beliefs. As I revisit old memories, I can’t help but wonder how I could’ve allowed things to happen the way they did. I could’ve done things differently, but then again, how could I have known any better? I cannot change the past. I might as well focus on the future.
What is most important right now is how this discovery changes my decisions and actions moving forward. It simply cannot be unseen or ignored. I must act on it which means having to rewire my brain and unlearn what needs to be unlearned. I have to take it slow, though. It’s dizzying enough as it is. I’ll take things one small step at a time.
For starters, I think I’ll start with the voices in my head.